Listen & Learn Knitting Album

Year: 1974
Label : Craft Concepts

I learned somthing today. Unknitting is the opposite of knitting. I never would have guessed.
Unknitting

The Sounds of Babies

Year: 1967
Label : Monument


Babies

Nursery Rhyme Disco

Year: 1978
Label : Kid Stuff

Yes, this really exists.
Three Blind Mice

February 9, 1971 / The San Fernando Valley's Longest Day

Year: 1971?
Label : none listed

This is a collection of broadcasts from immediately after the San Fernando Valley earthquake. Most of it is what you would expect, and pretty dry of course, but there's this interesting little peice juxtaposed in the middle of it all that borders on a beatnik jazz-poem, complete with post-earthquake lounge music. Could you say 'hell' on the radio back then?

Current Concepts of Estrogen Replacement Therapy

Label: unknown

Year: 1966

It doesn't get much more exciting than a few guys sitting around discussing Estrogen Replacement Therapy.

Co Star

Label: Co-Star

Year: 1977

This is a fun record. You're supposed to read the co-star parts of the script to various scenes, in this case with June Havoc. This is part of a series of something like a dozen different actors and actresses.

Here's your chance to play a death scene, complete with the sounds of searing flesh!- Bed of Fire

The Complete Cockateil Training Album

Year: 1980
Label: Pet Records

Be sure to play this at your next party.
Hey Good Lookin'

Florence Foster Jenkins / The Glorry (????) of the Human Voice

Year: 1962
Label: RCA


There's a whole story behind Florence Foster Jenkins, if interested just do a Google search, or go here for the wikipedia entry. I'd say this falls into the category of 'so bad it's almost interesting but not quite'. And yet I'm having a hard time deciding if I should keep this record or not. It sort of reminds me of some of my bird sound FX records.

Queen Of The Night Aria

Heavenly Melody - Sounds Of Young China

Year: I'd guess late 60's
Label: Overseas Radio & Television inc.



God Can See You

The Man Who Talked To Trees / R. W. Schambach

Year: unknown
Label: Power

It's nice to finally own an emphatic preacher record. It's scary just how inspiring this stuff can really be sometimes.

Irwin The Disco Duck / Christmas And New Year's Party

Year: unknown
Label: Peter Pan

Really, any time of year is a good time for disco Christmas music. You have to listen very close, but you can hear the standard "wuca-wuca" guitar in the mix.

Bill and Sue Present Jesus

Year: unknown
Label: Conformity


Along with Mary and the Holy Spirit, Bill and Sue apparently played a significant part in presenting Jesus to the world.
In case you're wondering about the theme of this record, you can just look at the song titles- there's "Jesus Did It For Me", "All In the Name of Jesus", "Give Them All To Jesus", "Jesus, The Resurrection" (is this a movie sequel? Did I miss the first one?), and as if that's not enough, there's the "Jesus Medley". Oh, but there's more, act now and you also get "Only Jesus Can Satisfy Your Soul", "Jesus He Is The Son Of God", and even "More About Jesus". Jesus.

Firm Believer

Year: 1982
Label: Day Spring

Are you a firm believer? Just when you thought there couldn't be another christian aerobics record....but this one is different, it features today's finest christian music, as opposed to, well, the not so fine christian music. I needed this record just so I can figure out the difference between the two.

I like the track listing:
Aerobics . . . . . . . . Jesus Is the Rock
Arms . . . . . . . . . . Hallelujah
Hips . . . . . . . . . . . His Name Is Jesus

Spidey Super Stories

Year: 1977

Label: Peter Pan Records

Who else can save the day in a story just 2 minutes and 7 seconds long? I keep listening to Spidey Vs. Mr. Measles hoping to figure out what the pickle factory has to do with the plot.

Mexican Folk Songs

Year: unknown
Label: Playette



Just what every white suburban pre-teen wants, Mexican folk songs that they can sing along with. There's something almost disturbing about how much fun these kids seem to be having. Maybe the photo was cropped just enough to hide the bottle of tequila they've been sharing throughout side 1.

All Ears

Year: certainly the 70's

Label: Realistic

This was produced by Radio Shack, makers of fine CB radio themed music. And since this was (I'm guessing) the 1970's, it makes perfect sense to start it off with singing squirrels.

Got your ears on? Check out Shirley & Squirrely.

Heino / Super Hits

Year: 1977

Label: EMI

Hang onto your lederhosen and give a warm welcome to Heino, Germany's answer to Barry Manilow, or is it Lawrence Welk? At any rate, it deosn't get much better than Karamba, Karacho, ein Whisky.

Dogtalk / Dr. Micheal Fox

Year: unknown
Lablel: Life-Lite Concepts, Inc

Do you understand your dog?

This even comes with a fold-out insert with a chart that, among other things, warns of the stiffly wagging tail! Beware!

Music For Your Plants

Year: 1975
Label: Carmel Records

This is just a classical music record in disguise. But I like the exhibits A and B on the back cover that show plants after listening to rock music vs. classical music. It's a good thing the same is not true of humans....

Meet Tammy and Her Friends

Year: Unknown
Label: Little World Records

Meet Tammy. She's ideal. She is better than you. She has her own theme song. Listen to how she bosses everyone around. It's all about what Tammy wants.

A Merry Hawaiian Christmas

Year: Unknown
Label: Hula Records

I don't know about you but nothing gets me in the Christmas mood more than 10 cans of beer and 7 shrimp a-swimming. Throw in the missionaries and the hula lessons and I think I could say goodbye to the trees and snow angels for good.

'Mac' Gant and his Tennessee Dew Drops / Square Dance Party

Year: Unknown
Label: Unknown

I can't believe he said this. He says it again on side 2.

Gary And His Friends / Bible Stories That Live

Year: Unknown
Label: Sound Associates

Aahhh!!! Yikes. This cover has nearly given me nightmares. I think it's the creepy-1970's-horror-film dull-faded-coloring look. Other than the token black man, I'm not sure what most of these things are supposed to be. I think they might be from the island of misfit ventriloquist puppets. Gary himself looks a bit like one of his puppets if you ask me. Here's a little excerpt from Adam And Eve. I dig the organ music in the background, not to mention the voice of the serpent, as well as this particular interpretation of the dialog that took place in the garden that fateful day.

The Zodiac Cosmic Sounds

Year: 1967
Label: Elektra

This is one of the first odd records I ever found. Seems like Elektra records wasted no time in jumping on the psychedelic band wagon, and when there were no bands to sign, they made stuff up to fill in the market. For those who don't know, this is what's known as an exploitation record. It's got plenty of sitars, acid-rock guitar drivel, haunting hippie organ, almost-exotic percussion, and the serious yet friendly narrator who almost sounds like he believes what he's reading. This is one of those situations where they told some unknown musicians to write some songs about the zodiac and make it sound like the music of the times. The words are just too much and have to be heard to be believed. Here's me - Aquarius - The Lover of Life. Dreams, indigo dust, love...what? Of course Aries - The Fire Fighter is the coolest, grooviest, most dramatic, because Aries would demand that, right? What's your sign, baby?

Myron Floren / Disco Polka

Year: 1977
Label: GRT

Maybe you thought you didn't like disco, and polka is just not your thing, but how can you resist disco polka? Face it, you can't.
How High The Moon

Colman McDuff, Colonel Sanders / Colman McDuff Sings When I Get Up To Heaven

Year: Unknown
Label: Unknown

I knew this might be a let down, and indeed it was. It's an album of bittersweet, heartfelt gospel music along with, right in the middle of it all, an interview in which Colonel Harland Sanders Tells His Personal Testimony, explaining how he found his assurance of heaven and how he had to give up cussing. There's mention of a lamb in one song, but no chicken.

Die Biene Maja 3

Year: 1977
Label: Polydor

There's nothing like 1970's German children's stories now is there? It can seem like such a harsh language sometimes, it's funny to hear cutesy little animated children's characters speaking it, such a contrast with all the hard consonants and near spitting. Fortunately there are always universal sounds found on records like this, such as in this example from Maja und der Regenwurm.

Good Housekeeping's Plan For Reducing Off-The-Record

Year: Unknown
Label: Columbia

I didn't think this innocent looking exercise record would be of any real interest, but I found exercise 7 a little odd; It's labeled Double Chin, probably for getting rid of said feature. It consists of leaning your head back, opening and closing your mouth, and "chewing in an exaggerated manner". Is this to loose weight or to practice putting on more pounds?

Tim Noah / In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo!

Year: 1983
Label: Noazart

Wow.
Zoom

Merrill Womach / Happy Again

Year: Unknown
Label: New Life Records

This is pretty standard for people who collect these sorts of records. It's being here is more or less a formality. Merrill's life was changed when he survived a fiery plane crash that left him with severe burns. So he continued to make records and praise God, a hero in his field really. It's honestly not as interesting as one would hope, but it is a curious little bit of pop history. It's your basic sappy, religious pop-gospel music with an ever so slight nod to Elvis. But I know you're just dying to hear a bit of it...

Echoes of Yesterday

Songs And Stories About Cuddly Teddy Bears

Year: Unknown
Label: Diplomat Records

Well now isn't this just cute? I'll bet you never thought there were so many songs about teddy bears, especially cuddly ones. Oh but you might be right, there apparently aren't that many; it turns out that the last two songs are actually "Ozzie The Ostrich" and "Pancho the Circus Donkey". They're at the very end as if they were just snuck in where no one would notice. The reason I find this really funny is that I also have a Peter Cottontail record, supposedly all songs about bunnies, but it too has the same exact recording of Ozzie the Ostrich at the end. It's as if they could make a children's record about Martians, or vegetables, or Martian vegetables, and Ozzie the Ostrich would still be thrown on as the last track.

Debbie Reynolds / Do It Debbie's Way

Year: 1983
Label: K-Tel

Well now what would a site like this be without a cheap sample of an exercise record with the inevitable in-out pelvic thrusts and buttock tightening. Sorry.

Marcy / Let The Sunshine In

Year: Unknown
Label: Corner Stone Records

Marcy is well known to people who collect children's records or strange music. She's a squeaky voiced puppet who sings songs about Jesus. Her records are not very hard to find, but I still get a little excited every time I come across one. This one has both singing and narration; check out Precious Jewels. Do you sparkle for Jesus?
There's also a track called God Has Blotted Them Out. Here's a quote about it on the back cover- "When the bible says God will blot out our sins when we ask Him to, that means our hearts are clean, even cleaner than Mommy's whitest washing."

Mister Rogers / A Place Of Our Own

Year: 1970
Label: Columbia

Mister Rogers is not someone to make fun of, of course. Let's just make fun with him. Let's make-believe. I like this bit about angry music. Compared to the context of modern times, it feels so old fashioned and watered-down. It's just plain cute.
This is such a relaxing, feel-good record. He truly takes away all the scary things in life and systematically just makes everything better. If everyone in the world grew up with this record, we would all be in a better place.

Animal Effects

Year: 1940's/50s? A time when this sort of thing was legal
Label: Standard Radio


No comment, except that I don't want to know how they obtained effect 2.

Brady Bunch / Merry Christmas from the Brady Bunch

Year: Unknown
Label: Paramount

Is it just me or does the dog look superimposed in the photo? With a bow on its head and one of the bunch strangling it, I'm a little suspicious.

Hitler's Inferno Vol 2., Marches, Songs, Speeches of Nazi Germany - WWII

Year: 1961
Label: Audio Fidelity

How could this be funny?, you might be heard to say. Well I'm glad you asked. This is supposed to be a documentary about the horrors of Nazi German, and indeed it is, but for some reason it's interspersed with happy sounding songs that in some way supposedly embody the evil at hand. It's more of a Nazi Stormtrooper Band greatest hits. The whole thing is full of over-the-top, angst-ridden and dramatic narration describing Hitler's rise to power, followed immediately by an upbeat tuba and trombone march that conjures up visions of giant beer mugs and lederhosen. The juxtaposition is just too much.
Check out this bit of dialogue followed by Ade, Polenland
Here's another little tune from side 2 labeled A Nazi Military Band Plays A Parade March. Admittedly the cuter the songs get, the creepier it all seems.

Aerobic Celebration

Year: 1982
Label: NewPax Records

Don't be fooled by imitations, this is America's first Christian Aerobics record. It says so on the cover. I like this bit about pulling the small of your back towards the heavens. Is that the Christian way of saying push your ass in the air?

Hans Gmoser / Ski Better With Hans Gmoser

Year: Unknown
Label: Westmount

What is supposed to be a record of skiing instruction ends up sounding like a German exercise record with an odd variety of mostly soothing music as the background.
I like this bit with its mystery-lounge jazz music and Hans continually telling us to "auw-chup". Gesundheit.

Dorothy Hagman / My Tribute

Year: Unknown
Label: Faith

Maybe one of these years this picture will not be a painful reminder of the styles of yester-year, but until then, 1960's portraits of women who look like men in drag with slightly big hair will surely be something to laugh at. I can only wonder how many classmates are sying "hey, I went to school with that guy! I always knew there was something strange about him."
I think her vocal teacher succeeded in the vibrato lesson; take a listen to part of Eternal Life.

Save Colby's Clubhouse

Year: 1986
Label: Maranatha! Music

Here's a story that never gets old- French female robot meets and falls for Christian musical-computer named Colby and begins to learn how to pray to the creator. It's all summarized quite nicely in The Computer of My Dreams

Pee Wee Spitelera / Country Clarinet

Year: 1966
Label: Dynagroove

For those who thought country music wasn't cool, Pee Wee has two words for you- Country Clarinet. Background singers are truly the unsung heroes of the music world.

Sounds to Make You Shiver

Year: Unknown
Label: Pickwick

A friend once pointed out to me how most sounds effects records use people to make the animal noises instead of animals. I think this is one of them. Although the back cover states that this record will "give extra authenticity to mystery play or skit", I just don't think these cats sound authentic. At least my little muffins doesn't sound like this. It sounds like there are two individuals making the sounds, one of which is a bit better than the other. It was probably a foley team that came as a pair.

Dave N' Jan / Born Twice

Year: Unknown
Label: Benson Sound



I've heard of being born again, but I'm not quite sure what being born twice means. I could guess it has something to do with the scary Franken-children; maybe they died and were brought back to life by Dave's blasphemous experiments. Now he n' his wife are singing praise to God to try and make up for it.

Marcy / Marcy Sings To Children

Year: Unknown
Label: Zondervan

Speaking of Hitler, here's Marcy giving her best zeig heil to the children. Of course in all fairness, she is singing about the Lord.

Since any sane mortal would be dying to know what the word of God sounds like through Little Marcy's vocal chords, here's a nice little ditty called When Mr. Satan Knocks At My Heart's Door. Listen close; it's full of good advice.

On the back there's an ad for how to get your very own Little Marcy doll, so there can someday be one in every home. Zeig Heil!